Being a parent seems like it brings a certain "adult" out of me that I knew was always there, but never thought I would actually obtain or become. It's like I always thought there was this other woman in me; this mother figure that I just thought lived another life in another parallel world and that I would meet her somewhere way in the future. ...Almost like a dream that I would never fully get a chance to grasp.
I almost assumed I would stay a teenager forever. Something that you don't really realize is that, when it comes to being a parent, you have the chance to actually become older and younger at the same time. You age and mature so that you can find a way to nurture and raise a child (or children) in the way that they should go. But, you also have to sort of become like them in order for them to understand you and be able to communicate with you... if that makes sense.
It's amazing to see our daughter grow. She is a year and a half now and I find myself becoming more like a child and more of an adult now more than I ever imagined before. It's such a strange juxtaposition and I LOVE IT.
Every single day I am still afraid that I will be a terrible mother. What I've only just now realized is that being afraid of being a terrible mother is what actually makes me a good mother. I'm constantly striving to do what's right. Not just for my daughter, but also for myself and for the people around me. You see, when you're raising a child, you're not only raising one little person, you're raising the future. That life will affect so many other lives. You, as a parent, ARE CHANGING THE WORLD. That's what makes me so afraid to be a terrible mother. I don't want to ruin the world.
However, if I keep trying, keep struggling, keep reaching for greatness, I know I will attain it. I know my daughter will see in me what I try so hard to instill in her. I pray every day that she chooses to grow in wisdom and that she also strives to make the world a better place. Let that be your prayer, too. Don't just tell your children how to grow, live, and act. BE the better person you hope they become one day. Because they WILL become that person one day. I know that I still have a long way to go. But, I will keep on trying my best so that the future will also be a better place. :)
You are one of the best mothers I know. I don't only say that because of your parenting practices, although I am pretty sure we are on the same page there, at least mostly. It's because you care SO much. There are many parents, way too many parents, whose children only get pieces of them. It's common to hear that parenthood is the "most important job" or that someone's kids are more important than anything.. but it so much more rare to see that lived. You are a gem of a mother, and I am glad to know you.
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